Send a Smile

Over the Christmas holidays our almost 3 year old has repeated a phrase that has got me thinking.

After he has been told off for some sort of inappropriate behaviour he has got into the habit of saying ‘be happy’ to us. After I noticed this was a sentence that repeated several times throughout our day I decided to ask him what could be done so that mummy would ‘be happy’. To be honest I was aiming for ‘being a good boy’ or ‘not doing that again’ to be the response but to my surprise he said ‘smile mummy’. So I smiled and said ‘now I’m happy I was just unhappy with what you did’. 

Then I started to think …. When I smile does he seem happier, does it work when I smile at the baby, what about when I smile at my husband? 

YES. 

Every time I smile, I get a smile back and they seem a little happier.

So, I sat down and discussed it with my husband. ‘When I smile at you, do you feel happy?’ Well you can guess the answer…. Yes, of course.

For 2015 we have decided new years resolutions are out and the send a smile movement is born. We are encouraging the boys to smile at people when they talk to them and we are going to smile more at people in public and even more in our family.

We may never change the world but we may make it a slightly happier place to be. 

Because who can resist those cute toothy smiles of a toddler and infectious giggles of a 3 year old?

Happy new year

Why we use reins

The choice to use reins is a controversial issue which comes up repeatedly with people I talk to. Here I explain why we chose to use reins and how they aid us in teaching our children about road and crowd safety.

We live in a village where there are roads without paths. This makes it hard to go for walks with the boys as I am constantly fearing a car will zoom round the corner and not see them. This has to be the main reason we began to use reins with our oldest son. We thought carefully about this decision and decided that it was a better option than him having to hold our hands all the time (although he does have to hold hands to cross the road-always). If you imagine having to walk with your hand up in the air even for 2 or 3 minutes it starts to feel uncomfortable. The blood drains down and you are not free to touch interesting things around you. This is how it is for a small person who must hold their parents hand for any length of time. The reins gave our boy the freedom to walk alone and be in contact with what he discovers on his wanderings, and we feel he is safe.

That´s not to say we put the reins on and forget the import lessons of road safety. When we are on a stretch of road with a path we take the reins off and walk close to him teaching him how to be safe on the path and cross the road holding our hands and looking out for traffic. He knows when there is no path he must put on his reins and he does this happily.

One aspect that has aided this smooth transition has been our choice of reins. We allowed him to choose which animal he would like and he carries his ´treasures´ that he finds in the small pocket at the back. He knows we must hold the ´tail´ and if it drops or is not attached he makes sure we´re aware of it!

Now he is almost 3 and venturing out on his bike. With the baby still in the pushchair we go off for walks along the roads without the reins and he knows to stop at the edge and is learning how to stay close to the curb when there are no paths. His brother has started walking and we will be using the reins with him in the same way so they can both enjoy walks and bike rides in a safe and learning manner.

A note on stranger danger here too. Without scaring our son we have started to try to teach him about strangers and crowds. The reins have been helpful with this too giving a restricted distance from him and us in very crowded places. We have taught him that he must always be able to see one of us and that if we shout stop he must stop immediately because he may not be safe. When we are in public spaces with few people and easy visibility we leave the reins off and instruct him on the distance he can go from us. This way he is learning how to play alone but in a way we all feel safe.

Of course our situation is perhaps unique and there are of course plenty of cons to using reins. I do however feel, that used with well thought through strategies, they can be an important tool to help you to feel safe as a parent while you are teaching your child to independently use roads and paths and become a safe citizen.

Nursery holidays on a budget - Florianópolis

SESC-Cacupé

SESC-Cacupé

We are back to school this week after a fantastic two week break. Just like many other families, we are always on the look out for affordable activities for our boys. 

Coqueiros

Centro

We have had two weeks full of activities including days out and managed to spend around R$50

There are many local parks which are a great free way to burn off some energy and get some fresh air. We went to a different park each time totally 8 over the two weeks.

We visited the turtle sancury - TAMAR and spent a couple of hours looking at turtles, watching the informative movie, playing in the eggs and boat and colouring in turtles. As the boys are still young they don´t pay to enter so just R$10 got us all in for the whole day.

Our big treat trip was to the zoo in  Balneario Camboriu Both boys love animals so it was a fantastic day out. They even fed the goats and enjoyed the museum and playing in the boat at the entrance. Its a big space and plenty of safe places for them to run around and lots of different things to do. Again because of their age they got in free and adult tickets are R$10 so another fantastic low cost day out.

Safety - the stop/go game

This morning we were out for a stroll in the park. We had a very bouncy ball with us and were enjoying throwing it about in the basketball court when it went under the fence. Neither me nor my husband had noticed there was a hole in the fence which led to a busy road and before we knew it our boy was through it after his ball. Absolute panic flooded my body and my instinct made me shout ´STOP´. And, he stopped. Both of us ran and got to him because he stopped. If he hadn´t, we may be having a very different afternoon.

We praised him but tried not to make too big a deal of it so as not to scare him.

And why did he stop? Because we practice this all the time. Whenever we leave the house we play some version of the stop/go game. Its fun, we laugh and he has unknowingly learnt a life saving skill.

I certainly would never put this to the test but today he proved that this method does work and even if he had started running again, that pause was enough for us to get to him.

Tecnologia como ferramenta de educação

A tecnologia é muito presente na vida de nossos filhos, e é um desafio escolher quais os recursos que são mais adequados a eles. Fico preocupada pois meus filhos são muito jovens e gostaria que eles curtissem a vida "real". A tecnologia, entretanto, também é parte da vida deles, por isso é muito importante que eles tenham contato. Então, qual é o ponto de equilíbrio? As seguintes formas de usar tecnologia estão presente dentro de nossa casa.

Assistimos desenhos e programas infantis com os meninos pela internet, ao invés da TV. Dessa forma, mantemos certo controle do que assistir e diminuimos o risco de expô-los à propagandas que podem influenciar negativamente nossos filhos. 

A leitura também faz parte da rotina, e usamos, além dos livros tradicionais, as publicações digitais. Encontra-se online muitos livros interessantes e adequados as diversas idades. Como exemplo, há uma série do Usborne Reading Programme, especialmente para auxiliar na alfabetização das crianças. A alfabetização não é o caso do meu filho mais velho, de apenas dois anos, mas os livros são simples de entender e com ótimas e cativantes gravuras (ele adora especialmente aquelas de animais ou dinossauros)! 

Essa semana me peguei usando o YouTube de uma forma interessante, mais pedagógica: meu filho tem um livro sobre veículos, e nessa publicação (tradicional) há a imagem de um foguete. Ao ver a gravura, ele comentou "- avião, avião". Expliquei que é parecido com um avião, mas que o foguete vai ao espaço, vai a Lua. Ele gostou muito da ideia e acabamos confeccionando um fogete usando papel e papelão. Depois eu perguntei se gostaria de ver um foguete indo para a lua. Ele ficou muito empolgado e assistimos o video no YouTube!

Na minha opinião, é muito importante controlar a informação digital recebida por nossos filhos, e de forma supervisionada e sem excessos, a tecnologia pode ser uma ferramenta super interessante para apoiar sua educação. A tecnologia avança muito mais rapidamente do que imaginávamos há poucos anos atrás, e nossos filhos estão expostos de forma substancial a esses avanços. Percebo que tenho o dever de ajudar meus filhos a usar a tecnologia de forma responsável para que possam se beneficiar ao máximo das oportunidades que ela proporciona. Ao mesmo tempo, quero ajudá-los (e tenho a esperança que aproveitem muito!) a experimentar todos os outros aspectos da vida!

Technology as a teaching tool?

So much technology is present in our children´s lives that it can be a full time job just verifying which is positive or negative for your child. I am always wary of letting my boys use technology as they are still so young and I want them to experience life naturally. This said, technology is part of life these days and I want them to be familiar with it. So how do we manage this balance?

We watch a bit of tv or cartoons online. This is great as I have full control of what they watch and no nasty advertising companies can brainwash my kids!

We read e-books (as well as traditional books). There are some really interesting books out there and my toddler has got into the osborne first readers (obviously he doesn´t read yet but the books are short enough for him to enjoy and are very well illustrated). 

Today we used youtube.com. The boys have a picture book about vehicles and in it there is a picture of a rocket. My toddler came to me saying ´plane, plane´, so I explained it was a rocket. We then made a rocket out of a cardboard and enjoyed playing in the garden zooming it to the moon. Later, I asked him if he would like to see a rocket and found this great video of a shuttle launch. He was captivated! 

It´s important to be careful about the content of what children see and how they use technology but if it is well supervised and not overused, the use of technology can be an amazing asset to teaching your children. The modern world is advancing faster than most of us could imagine and our children are right in the centre of it. I feel I have to help my children to responsibly use technology to their benefit and hope they enjoy all the other aspects of life too!

My toddler won´t wear....(insert item)

Having worked for many years in the early years setting, i´m used to children turning up in clothing that is inappropriate for the climate or incorporates some form of super hero! Toddlers love to assert their opinions and choosing their own clothes is one way they achieve this. But what about plain refusal to wear something?

We have had an ongoing battle with our oldest son about wearing a hat. Perhaps this seems like no big deal but if he has to be in the 40 + degree sun for even a minute or two, I feel much better if his head is covered. Now winter is approaching and hes had several colds already (the joy of shared germs at nursery), i´m keen for him to use a hat, especially on those windy days when ear infections are almost guaranteed.

So how do I get him to wear one? I searched the net for a fun hat design and made him a personalised hat! He´s quite into dinosaurs lately and I was fortunate to stumble across a simple pattern. I got some fleece material and a couple hours later his hat was ready! So far hes tried it on a few times and has worn it for around 20 minutes at a time so here´s hoping i´m on the right track. Making or buying an item that is linked to your toddlers latest craze usually has a positive impact on the amount of use it gets. I made sure my boy had a look at the designs I had found and got him involved in the making process so he was sure to know it was a hat especially for him. 

And doesn´t he look great?  

Find more fun templates here and create your own cool hat

A year of language

Our eldest son is now 2 years and 2 months old and has suddenly burst into speech! Every day there are new words and phrases in both English and Portuguese. I decided to capture some of these as it really is amazing to hear your little person speak.

Just before his second birthday he said his first two word sentence and since then he´s increased his vocabulary daily and has even begun to speak in his second language (which is mostly thanks to nursery). We went to an aquarium and he was in his element running around all the displays looking at all the different sea creatures. When we came to the tunnel with the turtles (still his favorite animal) he was just so excited and shouted "bye bye turtle" probably around 300 times! Priceless!

Now is the moment to expose him to language and help him to develop his language (yes we each have our own and its a very personal journey).

I am watching him work out word order. As he has two languages he knows that sometimes the noun comes before the adjective but sometimes it´s the other way around. He ofter asks me by saying something like... "brother baby, baby brother". I then give him the example in English "baby brother" and he goes off repeating it several times.

Each week I will add a word, sentence or phrase (more for my benefit than anyone elses)! I hope you enjoy his quirky little ways :)

Week 1: "Tanta coisa" (so many things). After overhearing his teacher speaking to one of the girls in his class saying she had so many things in her hands he repeated "tanta coisa". They were very excited at nursery as it was the first thing he had said and they said it was just so natural. For the whole afternoon while he played at home he repeated the phase. Now, a few weeks later he looks at me and says "mummy, tanta coisa" with a big grin on his face!

Week 2: "Name puppy Barney". For months he has been calling our dog "puppy". Every day my husband says to him ´your puppy´s name is Barney´. Today he was in the back of the car and said "mummy, name puppy Barney". When he said it to my husband later on he was driven to emotion that his son could finally say the dog´s name!

Week 3: "ohhh, car coming". I am guilty of this phrase! I´m very intent on teaching him road safety and every time we go for a walk I make sure he stops and comes to me when a car is coming. He has to hold my hand then we wait until the car has passed and he can walk alone again. Tonight as we were driving home, he was looking out the window and with every car coming in our direction said "oooh, car coming". I admit is was hilarious as it was rush hour so you can imagine the amount of cars on the road!

Week 4: "baby read, ready baby" after finishing a book he wants to share it with his brother and gives him the book while he gets another one to read - very cute!

Week 5: "butterfly cry, cloud cry, raining" after a week of illness in our house and quite a bit of TV downtime, this phrase appeared. It was his interpretation of a clip from Pocoyo (his new favorite cartoon).

Week 6: "Help me, mummy" this week´s phrase came from tidy up time. Every day I ask the boys to help me tidy up the toys. One evening this week I was preparing dinner and asked my son to start tidying up. After a minute he came up to me pulling me towards the toys so I asked him what he needed to which he replied ´help me mummy´ (which came out a bit more like "´elp me, mummy"!

Week 7: "down up" or "get up, down" Every time he sees someone get up or down or leave the table we have some variation of up/down get up/down. I think hes working out which is up and which is down!

Week 8: "Give it to you" meaning give it to ME! Love this one so much hope it lasts a while.

Week 9: "Mummy funny" meaning mummy´s laughing

Week 10: "Put it off" meaning take it off.

Week 11: "Not, no way" Basically any form of NO comes in this beautiful sentence!

Week 12: "Dinosaur coming" any noise has become a dinosaur coming in our house!

Week 13: "play wif Barney" this is said frequently throughout the day as he love to play in the garden with our dog Barney.

Week 14: "Sing the Song mummy" If he´s tired he asks for the song which is a lullaby I hum when putting the baby to bed which has now become the general cue to sleep in our house. (another of my favorites)!

Sleep - toddler and baby and the juggling act!

Sleep is a reoccurring topic here at Baby Steps. I´m sure there are a lot of readers who feel like we do - sleep is vital! Not just for the children but for us as parents too.

 

Now that our 2 year old is settled into nursery, we are seeing a better sleep pattern from him. We have had a few full nights and others with just one brief night  waking. We have, however, had to limit his nap to just one hour. We found that when he slept longer in the day he was taking a long time to fall asleep and waking more frequently at night. I guess somewhere during this year he may drop this nap completely (ahhh then what will I do)?

 

Our (almost) 6 month old has learnt that we go out of sight and he doesn´t like it one bit! At 3 months he was sleeping very well even full nights or just one night waking around 4am for a feed. At the 4 month sleep regression (where babies learn to fall asleep by themselves) we noticed he was beginning to wake more frequently and looking to feed each time. For the first two days I fed him, assuming he must be going through a growth spurt, but he began to wake even more often. I went on a sleep research frenzy and came across the no-cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. The book is designed to very gently and gradually help your baby to sleep all night. As he had been a good sleeper and I knew he was waking for comfort not hunger, I searched the book and found a very important tip that I had never heard before. Never let the baby suck to sleep - whether bottle, dummy or breast feeding. Ok, so how do you stop this once its a habit? By letting baby suck until they are nearly asleep then gently removing. If he cries replace and repeat. This takes patience and some nights I would remove 7-10 times before he fell asleep but gradually he was able to fall asleep by himself and stay that way for a while.

 

After another month he started to wake more frequently again. Now he wasn´t having a dummy and I wasn´t feeding him to sleep so what to do here? I returned to a method we used with our older son which I discovered from Tracy Hogg the baby whisperer. The pick up, put down method. Her you pick up the baby then place him back down (all the way down even if he´s crying) then repeat until he is calm and drifts off to sleep alone.

This last week he has been waking more again but now I just need to rub or pat his tummy and he goes back to sleep. Every night waking I do this until he sleeps. If he takes a long time to go to sleep or wakes again within 30 minutes, I give him a feed and make sure I finish the feed before he is asleep.

 

Here´s hoping they both sleep a full night (the same full night please) very soon. It may seem like a lot of work but it´s worth it when you are feeling sleep deprived. I´ve found it very hard especially when my husband has been travelling and I have to deal with ALL the wakings alone (sometimes both of them at the same time)!

 

I recommend both of the books I have used as they both have really good ways to help you teach your baby to sleep. Both use no-cry methods which I prefer. I would say though, each family is different, each baby too, only do what you can cope with and if it´s working for you and your family - then it´s just fine. Nobody else has to go through it every night and nobody else knows your baby like you do.

 

Good luck and good sleeps for all parents and babies :)

Books, world book day and reading

Happy World Book Day 2014


I love books and want to help my boys to love them too. I remember as a child going to get new books was one of the highlights. I hope my children feel the same way and I am starting lots of projects to encourage this behaviour.

This year I made my two boys a book each. As they are still very small this was ideal. Each page had a photograph of them with one line of text which I made up. For my eldest son I chose to write about the things he can do now he´s two as there have been several changes in his life recentley and I hope this will help him to see that he is growing and able to do so much more. For the baby, it was simply a picture book of his first months within our family.

I will give my boys a book each year on WorldBook Day (as well as other times of the year) in various formats and hope they look forward to this day. Someday I´m sure they will see hard copies of books and think it strange but I intend to keep passing my love of books onto my children.

Just say Yes!

Have you ever counted how many times you say ´no´ in a day? Impressive isn´t it?

Today I chose to say ´yes´!

 

I´m not suggesting you allow your child to do whatever they want and rule the roost, but how about thinking if the no really is a no. Sometimes I say no just because I will have to work to do whatever the yes would require. Sometimes the no is so automatic that it´s said before i´ve had time to think it through. So my new resolution is to simply think well before I say the no.

 

Here´s one example for you. We went to an open day for a new strip mall and residential area. We didn´t know what to expect but planned to go take a look and have a coffee and juice. When we arrived they had lots of activities for the kids and this amazing splash pool. It was summer hot and protected from the sun. Basically perfect for our son to play - so we said yes. As we watched him play many other children came to see the fun and wanted to join in and I was shocked at the number of parents saying no. I saw very little reason for this. We stripped our son down to his shorts and let him go but other parents were saying no. A few older children went in carefully not to get too wet but all the children our sons age were prohibited. It was a moment I was so happy I had made the just say yes rule. He had a wonderful time, great new experience and the organisers must have thought so too as they asked if they could film him for the promotional video!

 

Watch our little man on their video.

 

What have you said yes to lately?

Off to nursery

The big day has arrived... today is the first day of nursery.

It is one of the hardest things for a mother to do - leave their child with another to care for. I certainly didn´t understand how difficult it would be or how strong I would have to be for my son. My husband and I have spent hours discussing this and he says that it´s just not the same for him. So loaded with my fears, emotions and the knowledge that I have about nurseries and children we began our preparations.

 

Our son has never been left with anyone. I mean not grandparents, aunts or friends. This to me was one important factor which I considered when deciding we would start nursery. Another is the language difference. He knows little Portuguese and would be attending an establishment where he would only hear Portuguese and where they have little knowledge or experience of dealing with a child who speaks a different language. Thirdly, we are lucky that we do not require daycare for working purposes. Therefore it is a choice not to have him cared for but for him to expand his experiences beyond our home and what we can offer him. Suddenly our small poppet must venture into the world and see what its all about!

 

The week leading up to his first day, we spent time organising the materials he would need, his uniform and bag. He was present along all the steps. We also read books to him that contained stories about going to nursery. We also explained to him exactly what would happen and the concept that mummy, daddy and ´baby´ would not be allowed to stay as it was only for big boys. I took him to visit the nursery, we were able to see his classroom and meet his teacher. I was able to ask her plenty of questions and organise an adaptation or settling period.

 

On his first day he really didn´t know what was going on. I told him where we were going and took him to the room where he immediately went to find a big truck that was on the shelf and started to play. As soon as the teacher was free I said goodbye to him and walked confidently out of the room even though I could hear him running after me shouting ´mummy, mummy´. That was one of the most painful things I´ve had to do. I went away from the room so I couldn´t hear him and returned after the agreed 20 minutes to find him still sobbing and gratefully snuggled on my shoulder. The next day he realised a little bit more what was happening and didn´t go from my side. Again I said goodbye and left him for a short time. Each day increasing the time I left him. Two important factors I have seen among the other parents is that a lot of them try to sneak off. I have found in my experience that this just makes the child loose trust. OK, it may be easier for you to get out of the room and you may not have the pain of hearing your baby cry but they will become wary of taking their eyes off you in case you disappear or worse they may find it acceptable to disappear (mummy does it) when you are out which becomes incredibly dangerous. The second thing i´ve noticed is how a parent reacts when they pick them up. Some collect their children using the sad voice saying how sorry they are for their suffering or commenting on the negative aspects of the experience. In my opinion it is much better to put on a brave face, be happy to see your child again and ask them about their time. Did they play with cars, dolls, a friend, did they use paint or crayons? By the end of the first week, my son is coming out telling me something of his day and asking ´mummy´? to which I tell him ´yes, mummy came back at the time we agreed, I always do´. He is asking for my security, he is asking if it is ok. By responding positively (regardless of my own feelings) I will enrich his experience and help him to gain more independence in his small life.

 

We have had a small regression on the toilet training as he refused to use the toilet at nursery but after a little over a week he is happy to go. He also refused to eat or drink for the first few days so again it was important that I didn´t leave him for long periods to begin with as he may not have had a drink for hours at a time. Now he is still not happy for me to leave and does cry a lot, even before we enter the car park, but he is also smiling when I pick him up. He gives his teacher a kiss at the end of each day so he must feel safe with her and he has allowed other children to play with his ´special´ toy.

 

This new stage in our lives has inspired me to write the following poem. Enjoy, and good luck to anyone who is about to embark on this huge milestone, whatever the age of your child.

Dear teacher

Please

Be patient with my son, he doesn´t understand.
Be patient with my son, and offer him your hand.
 

Be patient with my son, he´s feeling all alone.

Be patient with my son, tell him ´soon you will go home´.
 

Be patient with my son, he´s really very small.

Be patient with my son, to him you know it all.

Be patient with my son, he may feel without a hope.

Be patient with my son, and help him learn to cope.

Be patient with my son, and soon you will see,

You enjoy this tiny person, almost as much as me. 
 

Dear Parent

 Please

 
Trust me with your son, when you leave and he cries.
Trust me with your son, when it´s hard to say goodbye.

Trust me with your son, when you feel panic and fear.

Trust me with your son, I will tell him you are near.
 
Trust me with your son, when your heart is heavy.
Trust me with your son, he will show us he is ready.

Trust me with your son, please try not to worry.

Trust me with your son, we are not in a hurry.
 
Trust me with your son, I know what to do.
Trust me with your son, for I´m a mother too.

 

Copyright: Zoe Hamlet Silva