PROBLEM SOLVING: Throwing toys

Throwing toys is part of a young child's development. They try and test many things as they grow strong and the ability to throw is one of them. But what do you do when the throwing gets out of hand? It's one thing to throw balls in the garden but what about those big chunks of lego that are aimed at the new baby or the truck flying at Grandad when he visits?

When parents used to ask me how to deal with throwing, I would recommend that they remove the toy for a period of time. This is exactly what we are doing with our son. We have a box which we keep on top of the work surface to put the thrown toys. When he trows a toy he is given a warning 'if you throw a toy again it will go in the box and you won't be able to play with it anymore' then if he trows it again the toy goes in the box. It works wonders and he is often upset that the toy has been taken away or asks for the toy later in the day. For now we leave the toys in the box until he has gone to bed that night then we replace them. As he gets older and understands we assume the throwing will become a lot less frequent but also when we take a toy away it may be for a much longer period of time. On a day where the box seems to be getting a bit full its clear he needs the opportunity to throw so we either get outside in the garden with the balls or invent some indoor throwing game. Beanbags in hoops are great.

This tip was brought back to me by one parent. He said his son had begun throwing toys and I talked him through the process. A few days later he said it was working well and I thought that was the end of it. But, a week or so after, he came back to me and said his son was now playing with his toys for a while then saying 'daddy, look' and throwing one of them then saying 'away'. At which point the dad was taking the toy away and the child was happily moving onto another toy. I suggested he sit the child down for a couple of minutes when he threw a toy and remove the whole lot, so , for example, if he was playing with lego and threw one piece then that was the end of lego for the day and the child would sit down for two or three minutes before being allowed to play again. He gave it a go but was back before the week was out. I'd had time to think and I suggested that perhaps the problem wasn't throwing but tidying up. Did the child simply want the toys taken away so that he was free to play with the next thing? So we came up with a new plan. When the boy threw his toys he would go immediately and sit down. When his time was up (a minute per year so if a child is two they sit for two minutes) he would have to tidy the toys away then they would be taken away. Well, it did the trick and the child stopped throwing his toys (even if he still disliked tidying up).

This is definitely a scenario for a slightly older child as there are several processes and the child needs to be able to comprehend the situation. But if a child has worked out that throwing a toy means they will be tidied for him and he can play with something else, then he is probably older anyway.