PROBLEM SOLVING - when a close family member goes travelling

In today's busy world there will come a time when somebody close to your child has to go travelling whether for business or pleasure. It can have quite an adverse effect on your child but there are ways to help.

I once had a boy in the nursery who lived with many members of his extended family including his aunt. He was close with the whole family although mum was the primary care giver. In this particular scenario it was the aunt who had to travel and when the boy turned up at nursery that morning he was tearful and mum explained that he was upset because his aunt had left. Without thinking too much of it we took him and gave him some cuddles and he was soon off playing with his friends. A little while later we saw that he was upset again sitting in a corner sobbing. I went to see what had happened. Through his tears he said 'auntie' and so I replied 'oh yes your auntie is away, but she'll be back soon'. He looked up and asked 'when?'. I had no idea! So I told him i'm sure she would be back soon but I didn't know exactly when. This brought a new flood of tears and nothing would calm him down. As I knew his mum well and knew she was home I gave her a call and asked her a little more about the situation. She explained that he wasn't so attached but seemed to have been really affected by the absence of his aunt. I asked her when she would be returning and she said in three weeks. I returned to the boy and told him that his aunt would be back in three weeks and that he had lots of time to play before she got back. He settled a bit and went off to play and was picked up soon after.

The next day he returned to nursery red eyed with a tired looking mum in tow. I asked her what had happened and she said he had been up half the night fretting about his aunt and she said she just didn't understand because he would only spend a little time with her each day and it wasn't for a special reason or an important part of his routine. I said i'd have a chat with him and let her know how it went.

I went to have a chat with the sad little boy. He again told me auntie and when I said she would be back soon he asked when so I told him in three weeks. At this he began crying a little harder. I was puzzled. I asked him why did it make him sadder to know three weeks. He said he didn't know. I was at a loss! I decided to get down the calendar and mark off when she would be back and asked him if he would like to help me. His eyes lit up and we sat down and looked at the calendar together. We marked the day she would be back and I told him every day he could come in and we would mark off a day and count how many more we had left. He seemed quite content with this idea and I suggested he went and painted a nice picture so his aunt knew he was thinking about her. Off he went and not a tear from him the whole day. 

The next day he came in with his big smile and asked to mark the calendar. We did this for the following weeks and finally the day came. He marked it off and I said he must be excited that his aunt was coming. He didn't really respond but went off to have some fruit. Later that afternoon his aunt came to pick him up. She had heard the story from his mum and thought he might like her to come. Well, he took one look at her and started to cry. 'What's the matter?' I asked him. 'I want my mummy to pick me up' was his reply. After a bit of persuasion we got him out the door and off home to his mummy!

The next day his mum came in with him and told me how he hadn't been bothered at all that his aunt was back and she just couldn't understand what was going on. She said when he woke up every morning he was asking  her what day it was and if he was going to nursery and she wondered if he wasn't enjoying himself. I reassured her that he seemed perfectly happy throughout the day and since we had started the calendar exercise he had been fine. I went to have a chat to him. I asked him if he was pleased to have his aunt home and he said yes. I asked him if he knew what day it was and he said it was Thursday, he was right! I asked him if he knew what day it was tomorrow and he said Friday. Then he told me then its Saturday and I don't come to nursery. I asked him if he liked nursery and he said yes. The more he said the more inclined I was to think he was dealing with a time and day issue. He seemed to want information on his routine and what days he did things on. I decided to teach him a song about the days of the week and make a small diary so he could draw a picture on each day. He was so excited about the activity and ran home showing his whole family.

The story here tells us that the absence of a family member can be painful to a child for many reasons. 

Recently my husband had to travel for 9 days. It is the longest he's been away from our son and I was wondering what the reaction would be. I tried to keep his routine as normal as possible and not mention daddy too much. The first two nights I had 40 minute tantrums to go to bed and when he woke in the night. I faced them as I would if my husband had been here but it's much harder when you don't have back up! Needless to say he settled down and accepted daddy was away. Technology helped us a great deal as he was able to see daddy at breakfast time via Skype and this really seemed to help as he had a big smile and shouted daddy. The day my husband was coming home I got my son to do some painting telling him it was for daddy and that daddy was coming home today. He painted singing 'daddy daddy' so I think he knew what was going on. Daddy got home and for the following few days we tried to make time for the two of them to do more things together. So instead of me putting him to bed my husband did, he got him dressed and played with him while I made breakfast or dinner. He tried to get home a little earlier from work to spend a bit more time with his boy and all these small things seemed to work wonders for him (and for me as it is nice to have a little rest after being the full time carer for 9 days!) 

We can't evict these trips but we can take steps to prepare our children and ease the stress of separation a little.

Holiday sleep – before, during and after the trip

As many of us have travelled over the holidays I felt it may be of interest to write about sleep while travelling. 

Most of us find it strange to sleep in a new place but what must it be like for your baby who has barely left their own home and is suddenly in a house full of strangers having to sleep in a bed that isn’t their own?

This is how our little guy coped and helped us guide him through the toughest sleep moments so we could all enjoy our holiday abroad.

As you’ve heard me say many times before, preparation is key. When purchasing our flights we had in mind that our boy would be having his night sleep on the plane and would need as little time travelling as possible. We managed to get a flight that left before bed time and I planned to put him to bed on the first flight and gracefully carry him onto the second flight where I imagined him sleeping until the breakfast came round in the morning. Well, almost. The only problem was that I didn’t think through security and second check in etc. Poor little man had quite a shock when he woke up away from the comfortable mummy to be hanging mid air facing strangers as we went through the security checks. After a few tears he settled down but decided airports are far too exciting a place to be able to go off to sleep. By the time we boarded the second (and longest) flight he was exhausted and wanting more milk (not part of his routine). Luckily I had planned for such an event and as he wasn’t to be provided with food on the flight I had packed extra milk and any snacks I thought he could eat on a plane. He slept well on the long haul flight and we arrived not too groggy the next day. 

The first night at Grandma and Grandad’s was, as expected, a little rocky. A couple of hours before bed we went up to his room with his home bedtime toy and cover and played there for 10 minutes getting used to it. I showed him where mummy and daddy would be sleeping and although he’s too young to understand this, it’s still important to explain things to him. That night he took a little longer to go to sleep than he would have at home and woke a couple of times during the night. Here we remained consistent with our home routine of lying him back down being sure to reassure him as he was in new surroundings. After that each night got better.

Then we went to visit his aunt and uncle. Another new house and another new bed. We brought his travel tent with us so he would have a familiar place to sleep but even with this it can be tricky for him to rest easy in a new house with new sounds. We stuck to our routine as before and had two ok nights with him.

We returned to his grandparents when he caught a cold and this disrupted sleep again. We were conscious that his mouth was dry in the night and that he needed water a couple of times. We maintained a relaxed but firm approach throughout the few nights he was unwell and took turns to get up with him so we could also enjoy our holidays. One great thing when you travel as a family or to family is that there are always plenty of people to keep an eye on the kids while you have 40 min kip on the sofa! Our boy became quite clingy while he was under the weather but we tried not to pander to him and kept him as closely to his routine as possible.

After we returned he caught a bad flu and spent a few days being up at night and generally quite poorly but we again maintained our routine and gave him more comfort and time to re-adapt to life at home.

With careful planning and consistency we managed to have a relaxing fun holiday with calm flights and a smooth transition back to home-life.

We hope you all had wonderful holidays and wish you all a very Happy New Year – 2013

Travel-short haul

The first holiday.

On-board and ready to go

It’s so exciting but then you think, how am I going to cope with a baby on a plane, taxi, bus with the heat, sleeping in a new place, feeding and changing and activity time. You start to feel that perhaps it’s just not worth it but you deserve a break or will it just be more work. Here’s how we planned and executed our first holiday.

We took a trip to the North-East of Brazil to visit our boy’s uncle. It is a long trip including 2 flights one lasting just over an hour the second over 2 hours. To fly out I was on my own as hubby was already there on a business trip which is why we decided to use the opportunity to visit. I must admit it was quite daunting thinking I would have to do the first flights alone. I've heard how babies scream through a whole flight or start getting travel sick and dread started to seep in. However I decided I needed to be super organised so that I could evict any mishaps and have the smoothest trip I possibly could.

First I had to work out the logistics of getting the boy up at 4.30am to get to the airport and decided the best thing was to pack his clothes in my hand luggage and take him in his pyjamas and sleepy bag. It’s good to remember that planes can be cold but airports hot so I had vests and long sleeved t-shirts and trousers and socks and then if he was very cold I still had his sleepy bag which meant I could avoid taking a blanket on-board as they can be very bulky and take up precious hand-luggage space. The next thing was his food. I wouldn't arrive at my destination until after 2pm so I would need a morning milk, breakfast, snack milk, lunch and water to hand. That’s a lot of food and liquid and I was concerned about the weight of my hand luggage as my guy is a bit of a gannet when it comes to food. I made up two bottles (I suggest having bottles ready even if you are breast feeding as it is really tricky to feed while taking off in the plane and often this is when baby needs his milk!) then decided that instead of his regular breakfast of porridge with stewed apple and toast he would have to make do with bread and butter and a banana. I made him a fresh lunch of vegetables and tinned tuna as I was concerned that it may be difficult to heat the food and if it was frozen or meat it would need to be piping hot. My concerns were correct so I was really glad I had something that he could eat cold. I also packed a bottle of water but wasn't sure if I would be allowed to take this on-board (I was but not sure if every airline allows this). I packed milk powder too in case I was really delayed and needed his next milk feed (I didn't but you can bet if I hadn't packed it I’d have needed it!). I also packed a couple of small books and some plastic light toys the wipes and nappies and some alcohol gel. I also brought a t-shirt for myself as I imagined that if he did get travel sick it would probably be all over me so at least I could change my t-shirt if this happened (again I was in luck and didn't need it).

So, I woke him at 4.30 after I had everything ready by the door so that I could lift him straight into the taxi and not have to wake him too much. I had hoped he might drift off to sleep again on the way but he was far too interested in being up in the middle of the night.  With a baby in arms you have full priority and if travelling alone get plenty of help from airport staff and I actually began to feel quite important! We boarded and I let my boy stand up a bit and play on the floor in front of my seat to use a bit of his energy. He was very interested in everything that was happening and was shooting smiles at every person who got on the plane. For take-off I gave him his milk which I had put off giving him before as I was concerned he would need to suck to help him to unblock his ears. He fell asleep drinking and woke up just before we landed and didn’t seem affected by the pressure on the way down.  What a star! So into the airport and 3 hours to kill... I had already decided that today was not the day to worry about him being dirty so I let him crawl around on the floor in a space where he wouldn’t get in anyone’s way. The gel came in very handy to clean him after as his hands were pretty grubby. People were very kind and he made lots of friends! The second flight began as the first and he slept for half of it. Once he was up I let him play by my feet and fed him by putting the seat-belt around him and sitting on the floor in front of him. He was very excited by his new surroundings and we were fortunate to have the full front 3 seats to ourselves so plenty of space to play and look out the window. All in all I was very impressed that it had gone so smoothly.

Snoozing in the hammock

Playing in the tent in the airport

When it comes to sleep outside the house it can be very tricky setting the same scene and getting the baby to sleep and to stay asleep. A few months ago we decided we would need to have a bed to travel with as we will be doing plenty of travelling in the next few years and with this in mind we purchased a travel tent. It has been one of the best baby items we have bought and he is happy to sleep and play there and as we use it at home often it is very familiar and smells like home. We were also able to put it up in the airport when we had a 3 hour stop -over so he could play and sleep in comfort. As soon as we got to the place we were staying I set up the tent (which is so fast and very mummy friendly) and let him play inside. When it was time for a nap I kept the simple routine of a cuddle, quick story and into bed and he went off to sleep fine. At night the same thing but he did wake more often than he would have at home but I did expect that as the climate was very different and there were different sounds to those he was used to.

Touching the fish at the aquarium

We managed to borrow a pushchair which was fantastic and we took off in the morning to explore the city. We found an aquarium and as the temperature was rising we decided it would be the perfect place to visit to keep cool and entertain our little guy. He really enjoyed seeing all the fish and they even had an interactive pool where he could touch some sea creatures.

It was a fantastic holiday and all my apprehensions have lessened as it was such a success.

Buy the tent on amazon at 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/NS-Associates-Large-Travel-Centre/dp/B000HK8DDE/ref=sr_1_2?s=baby&ie=UTF8&qid=1348852693&sr=1-2

Aquarium in Aracaju http://www.tamar.org.br/interna.php?cod=185