Tantrums

And the tantrums begin.....

Whoever said the terrible twos was off by a year - either side! 

We have already begun what is likely to be a two year stint of tantrums. We have a very headstrong young man on our hands and if its not quite how he sees it should be, we hear all about it.

So how do you handle this?

Yesterday I was driving through the village and I saw a mum walking home from creche with her tiny son. He must have been around a year old as he was waddling around in the fashion of one who has just begun to find his feet. The mum took his hand when she saw my car coming and I slowed up. The boy immediately tried to snatch his hand away and screamed at the top of his lungs. Can you believe the mum let go of his hand and he walked right in front of my car! Luckily I had slowed right down and as I was watching the situation unfold I stopped the car so he was unhurt.

This situation should never be allowed to happen but it occurs so fast and the scream does it. We let them do it their way. However, you can't allow your child to be in danger. 

We have discussed this phase quite a bit to find a way to deal with it within our family. Basically there are things our little guy cannot do. That's it. No negotiation and no giving into tantrums. These things include anything that can endanger him or behaviour that hurts somebody. Also things like brushing his teeth and getting dressed are not optional, they are part of life and like it or not we must get on and do them. For everything else we have begun to give him choices. So, for example, getting dressed. He has the choice of the blue shorts or the red shorts, the white t-shirt or the yellow t-shirt. We only give two choices so he is able to make a decision and it is a choice controlled by us. He is not allowed to choose shorts when it's -10 outside so we offer him the choice of two pairs of trousers.

We try to be fair with his time. If we are going to do something with him we make sure there is plenty of time for him to complete the task. This is only reasonable. Imagine starting something and not being able to finish it ever. This will teach you to never begin anything. One example is that he has started to enjoy washing up with us. So, when there is plenty of time we allow him to have a bowl of water and three spoons or pots for him to wash up. We leave him to wash up for as long as he needs or until he is throwing water around (unacceptable behaviour) then the activity finishes. We control how many items he will wash and how much water he will have (only what each of us can control). 

This doesn't stop tantrums as they are an important milestone in development. It is how your child learns limits and how to behave in society. This method does help to reduce the number of tantrums and also you can feel confident that you are giving fair expectations and raising an independent person who will be able to make reasonable decisions in life.

What do you think and how have you dealt (or plan to deal) with tantrums?