Short attention span – a learnt skill?

I have just sat and watched my 9 month old son play with a small toy car for 20 minutes. And we say children have no concentration. Let me share with you how we as parents teach our children that they should be breaking their concentration.

It all starts when they are a few weeks old and begin to fix their gaze on something – usually a light or bright object. We watch for a short time then go in front of them breaking the connection to get their attention and see them focus on us. Every parent does this, why? Because we want our child to look into our eyes. We want to see them respond to us. We want to be part of their small world as soon as we can. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s good to be aware and to choose the moments when we can be present in their world and when we can step back and enjoy observing their new interest.

So, I watch as my son takes his small car and pulls himself up on the sofa and proceeds to run the car up and down the arm of the sofa whilst ‘brumming’. The car falls on the carpet so he gets down, picks it up and pulls himself up again. The car falls again this time onto the sofa; he cruises round but can’t reach it so he pulls on the throw until he can reach the car. He then returns to the arm of the sofa and continues ‘brumming’. He looks at me a couple of times throughout this process and I just smile but don’t say anything and he continues playing. After around 15 minutes of this continued cycle he drops the car but it goes under the sofa. He gives a frustrated squeak but tries to reach it. After a couple of attempts he really can’t get it so he looks up and cries and says ‘mama’. This is my cue to help him. I ask him if he would like me to get the car, retrieve it and give it to him then tell him to say thank you and return to where I was sitting. He looks over at me then resumes his game. Only after a full 20 minutes does he come over to me and leave his car.

First let’s look at the skills he was using and practicing in this time. He used gross motor skills to pull himself up, small motor skills to hold the car, he was practicing his pincer grip to move the car, he problem solved to reach the car when it was out of reach and he asked for help when he really couldn’t get the car from under the sofa. That is a lot to contend with without somebody speaking to you or playing along with you.

If I had spoken to him when he looked over at me I would have broken his train of thought and therefore his concentration. If I had moved to where he was playing or taken a car and joined his game I would have interfered in his stream of thought and therefore broken his concentration. When he asked for help if I had continued to be with him or started to ask him other things I would have broken his concentration. By stepping back and just observing I was able to give him the chance to complete his task and remain concentrated on what he was achieving.

Of course I am not saying we never play with our children or stop them if we need to. Life happens and they have to be adaptable especially in such a demanding world as it is today. I am merely pointing out how it is very easy to teach your child to break their concentration by interrupting them when they are so engrossed in an activity. I have done it on many occasions. Often my son is startled when I speak to him and it is only when I see this reaction do I realise how deeply embedded he was in what he was doing.

As a parent all I can do is try to let him experience things for himself whenever I see he is concentrating hard on something, giving him the opportunity to use the time he needs to complete his task and hope that he has good concentration skills as he grows. Then, enjoy every moment that he chooses to interact with me.